I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Someone shit on the floor
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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