i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
