Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
