I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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