im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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