did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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