I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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