remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize