I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
