I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
