how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
