We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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