i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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