Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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