I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
