Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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