he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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