she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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