haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
