I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
