i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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