New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
