its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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