Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
