i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
