i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
