I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
