Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize