you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
