Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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