you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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