the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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