whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
