The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
