after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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