I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
