NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
