I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
