i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
