so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
