So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
