State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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