am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
