seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
