So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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