She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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