I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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