no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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