I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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