just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
