i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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