I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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