I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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