I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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