All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die, sorry about rent.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
