I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
