i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
either way he was missing a nipple.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
