the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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