Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
