yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
