Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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