Barsexuality is the new black.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
