We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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