I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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