a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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