Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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