i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
