did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
