Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
