It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
