im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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