woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
