could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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