Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
