Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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