I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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