It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's blow job season.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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