Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize