I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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