mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
