I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
